Talk to Me!! (sorry its so long...)

Well I won't bore you with all the details of my pretty busy day today. However one exciting event was when I locked myself out of my room today and spent an hour waiting for and RA to let me in. So that was fun! Anyway I went to the City wide Campus Crusade thing tonight. It was a good one. We went to a party afterwards with everybody from the meeting. There was lots of root beer and cookies. You can't go wrong with that huh? However I had my mind on something else tonight. I spent most of the night praying a very specific prayer...I want God to show me what he wants for me.

I am not sure Northeastern/Boston is where I am supposed to be. I am not sure if architecture is something I want to continue in. However I am really interested in the architectural/civil/environmental engineering program at CU Boulder. I personally think that it is where I want to be. I am pretty sure I would enjoy the major more. As far as costs go it would take an enormous financial burden off my parents shoulders which is good. The architectural engineering program at CU is one of the best in the nation. But there are some other perks that come along in this deal...Grant being a big one. Paige being a big one. Being an hour and half away from home and my family is another one. Being back in the mountains is a big one. Being closer to all that I have grown to love and cherish in Colorado is another perk. So you might be saying why don't I just go for it...

Well see that is where I am struggling. I have no doubt in my mind that God sent me to Boston to teach me and cause me to grow. I can already see evidence of that. And I know that I have more to learn here, more to experience....I have dedicated to my parents and many others that I will stay my whole freshman year at Northeastern regardless of whether I like it or not. But what about the second year??? This is my struggle. I WANT to go to Boulder, I mean I really really do and I have already started to plan things out for myself in Boulder. I think it is where I would be the happiest. But as a very close family member/friend told me "what is truly good for us is not always the easy way out" which is so true as I look back on my life. Especially these first 3 or 4 weeks that I have been here. God has done amazing things in me but they have occurred in some of the darkest times of my life here. I am scared to lose that. I am scared that if I go to Boulder it will be the easy way out. It will be what I wanted. I will be happier there. The grass is greener on the other side kind of thing. I am scared that I will be going against what God wants for me here at Northeastern. The question that is boggling my mind is as such. Is Boulder where God wants me, or is Boulder just where I want to be??

Now I do know again that God will use me wherever I go but I want him to lead me to that point. I have been praying for a couple weeks now about this whole thing. Its been in my journal countless times. I have no doubt that God will be faithful and show me where he wants me. But I just wish God would just talk to me and tell me flat out what he wants from me as far as Boulder is concerned. A memo from God so to speak.

On a side note I am blessed to have such an unselfish girlfriend. However much Paige would love for me to be closer to home. She will not let me move back until I am totally convinced its what God has for me and not just what I want. Whenever I mention how excited I am about maybe transferring to Boulder she always reminds me that the decision needs to be made by God and not by my own self interests.

I don't know...I am still praying about it. And I would appreciate if you could as well. Just pray that God will give me guidance and wisdom in my decision. I would have to fill out the transfer application by Christmas and get it sent in. So its a decision that I don't have tremendous amounts of time to make. Anyway thanks for listening to me vent. I am so tired and I hope that everybody is enjoying their weekend!!